Wednesday, April 29, 2009

What i really want?

on my way to my new work, still nostalgic, i ask myself what i really wanted?

do all these sacrifices worth it?

i dont know.

im 30 already and yet still clueless of what i really wanted. or it is because what i wanted is not really meant for me. so i settle to the second best.

life is so intricate but i know in time we'll understand.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

My old boring life

I am still sad. I still miss my old work.

Everyday, I try to convince myself that this sacrifice will do me good in the long run. My new job provides benefits that I will need when some joints in my body starts to ache. I will give me money to make my bank account fat.

At this stage of my life I need security. I need to say goodbye to happenings and my old happy go lucky days. The prime of my youth is over. I'm already on my 30s. This is the right time to say goodbyes.

Friends or true friends will always be there.

Thus, I should not regret this decision.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Goodbyes

Finally, i left my work somewhere in Manila.

But admittedly, I am not that happy.

I will certainly miss all my folks there.

But I really have to do this.

for my betterment.

hayyyyyyyyy

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Celso

Masasabi kong si Celso ang isa sa mga nakilala at naging kaibigang bading na lubos kong hinahangaan. Hindi sa bonggang bongga looks o pangagatawan kundi dahil sa maprisipyo nyang pagtingin sa buhay partikular sa buhay bakla.

Kagabe, nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon makausap sya ng masinsinang tungkol sa buhay nya bilang bakla. Doon nakapulot ako ng makabuluhang insights kung pano nga ba dapat makitungo ang bakla sa mga relasyon partikular sa relasyong straight at bakla.

Nitong mga nagdaang araw, ako ay naguguluhan tungkol sa feeling ko sa isang tao. Straight sya. kinakausap ko ang aking sarili kung handa na ba ulit ako magpapasok (wag kang bastos!!! hehehe) ng isang tao sa buhay ko. Sabi ni self, hinde pa. Takot pa sya. Wag muna.

Peru parang gusto ko na ring i-try kase nga 2 yrs na rin syang (si ex-aura) wala sa buhay ko. Masakit iyon kase minahal ko nga sya.

Tapos, eto parang gusto na naman ni self tumibok. Peru dapat nga ba? Tinanong ko si Celso. Pareho na kame ng hinahanap ngayon. Marahil dahil sa pareho na rin kaming nasa edad. Pinayo nya sa akin na tantyahin ko daw. At itanong sa sarili kung ano ang expectations ko.

Sa yugto ng buhay ko ngayon, ayaw ko na ng sex, hot sex na lang. Gusto ko na ng relasyong magtatagal at hindi mababaw. Hindi ko ito maibibigay ng isang 19 yr. old na lalaki. Palagay ko rin.

Kaya ito ang desisyon ko. Mananatili akong nandito para suportahan sya. Sa abot ng makakaya ko. And i would just start from there.

Maraming salamat Celso sa isang straight to the point na pahayag. Na-appreciate ko.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

prediction 2009

lagi ako kumukunsulta ng manghuhula kada umpisa ng taon. kaso namatay na yung suki ko last year so wala akong reliable na manghuhula ngaon. medyu na aaning na ako. i hate the unknown kase.

while roaming around a little known mall in caloocan, i came across this stall with an indian looking fortune teller. she saw me and asked me to go inside.

singkwenta ang ang hula. mura. so go ako. kaso napansin ko na ung 50 pala e parang kada tanong.

oo, feeling ko i was duped. conned.

peru okey lang kase she told me one thing na dapat iniisip ko lage.

sabe nya sa akin na wala namang problema. i was just projecting na meron. go on and you would make it, in any endeavor.

i paid him 100 for i asked 2 questions. peru i am not complaining. i went out of her stall happy. tama nga sya. i should just have some faith. un yon : FAITH na hinde ako papabayaan. i would overcome every problem that would come on my way. kase may katulong nga ako : SYA.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

yesterday, i got interview for a writing job. i was stressed for the whole day. i even contemplated of not showing up at all. i felt i wont get accepted. luckily, on my way to the interview, i came across a friend. i asked her to accompany me on my interview which she obliged.

i was really happy. at that time, i need all the support. i was really discouraged and afraid of rejection. i was even thinking of backing out at the last minute.

after we ate our dinner, we proceeded to the interview. she even joined me on the small conference room with two more applicants. the interview was informal but i still got nervous.

then i found out that the show was a youth-oriented magazine show. i was disappointed. i was expecting a TGIS type of show. but it is fine with me. i hope i would be accepted. this raket would help me practise writing.

writing is my unrequited love. writing is the one competitive advantage i have that must be harnessed. though the chance is dim, i'm still hoping for the best.

in that interview, too, i realized that i need to build my writing portfolio. i cannot just state that i am writer without anything to back that statement.

from now on, i will write regularly. i need to do this for my own fulfillment and happiness.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

when it is really over...

"And if I never see your face again, I don’t mind‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we’d get tonight"



sus eto lang pala magpapamuka na hinde ako dapat magbitter-bitteran sa lahat ng nangyari sa amin. ooppps... wag na ntin ungkatin kung sinu un.

basta. tama sila rihanna and maroon five vocalist.

i should just be thankful sa experience. whether it was horrible or heavenly. the most important thing is i had fun. i enjoyed it. tremendously i guess. di tatagal un ng almost a year kung hindi.

but when it ended i felt bitter to the end. to the point of wishing him the worst. hacking his friendster account. etc. basta puro evil thoughts.

sabe nga ni madonna "absolutely no regrets"

eto nga ang dapat.

i should just wish him the best pero i should stay away from him.


ayoko ko na pagamit.


ang pagkakaibigan kase ang pinakasagradong relasyon na pinapasok ng tao. at this point hinde pa nya kaya ibigay sa akin un. ung pure friendship. nakakalungkot pero ganun un. di ko kaya kontrolin un...